The following Day.

So we still aren't good, still isn't better. We both keep saying we do not want to fight, but I'm being moody and you're pulling away. It's sad to say I don't know where to pick things up from here, can we just move forward and erase all the bad? 'cause that is what i truely want. Move forward w/ YOU > > > > !

Am I Wrong?

Is it wrong for me to be jealous that you talk to your Ex- Girlfriends and to other girl who you flirted with? Is it wrong for me to believe that you hide things from me?

To whom it may concern,

I just can't express myself when it comes to talking to you. My words are pointless, my thoughts are eating me alive, you don't understand. i try to let you in, but i'm never right. I want us to work so badly, i'm putting up with shit that I never thought I would have to go through. I've been lied to before, I've been played, I've been cheated on. It isn't a great feeling. yes i will accept the fact that I have made plenty of mistakes, with you and before meeting you and yes you don't throw them in my face, but I would like to justify this by saying: If you have a problem with something I will stop doing it, I won't continue to make that same mistake, so i buried it. Now my problem with you is as follows: Since we first started dating, you didn't take me seriously, I tried to not get hurt, not to get to serious, but I couldn't help it, Yeah i fucked up by playing the safe card, but it never went anywhere, I didn't do anything with any guy, I always thought about when you were in jail, respected you, Shit every second of the hour I was thinking of you. Thinking how I tried so hard not to like you, I tried so hard not to make mistakes, I tried so hard to pull away and in the end i fell so deep and so hard. I was eating my words, doing things i couldn't believe. Even after knowing you were hiding me, neglecting me, still in love with someone else, wanting to flirt with girls from your past... I stood around, waiting for God to let me know if it was worth it or not. I prayed so many nights that God grant me patience, that God give me the strength to move on. Instead of moving away from you I moved forward with you. Surely in the summer I was in, I was trapped, I felt so in love, in love with you. I trusted you to the fullest I was so happy because you and I had hit the Golden area where were good. Until you saw your ex girlfriend who happens to be someone i once referred to as a friend. You seemed so in love, so in "Awh" because she was prettier now then the last time you saw her. You called me her name, you kept being friends with her after you knew how you felt for her. She was the one girl you could never completely have dying for you. You don't understand my hurt, you don't get it, I feel you ask so much of me and can't realize when you are doing the same or even worse. Flirting with that girl the way you did and still being friends with her? If thats not a slap to the face. I just don't feel good enough for you, I don't feel like i'm the only girl in your life. Yes, you haven't cheated on me physically, but mentally I don't know where you stand. i get it, i'm not pretty enough or ballsy or maybe as hip as your other girlfriends, but I definitely thought we were going somewhere, so many times I find myself just thinking about how you have been the best thing thats happened to me. You have made me so happy, looking past all the shit. I can't believe it, I've lost myself in your love. not love with an idea of what we could be, but what we are, love with how you make me feel. Everything is completely amazing when we are good. Why must we fight? Why can't you just take me as i am and make me feel like the only girl. I am scared & you don't get that, i'm so scared of being taken advantage of? So terrified of being let go of and looked upon as just another girl. All i can do is cry, in fear, that you will soon end everything or that you will keep thinking that i don't want this. When truly it is what i revolve myself around. It is the only thing I want.